What do you want to be?

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Martha30's avatarJourney in Faith

My perspective shifted.Understanding that life is short and temporary, I have began to think, is this really what I have been created for? With deep reflection, I have discovered that all I want is to make use of the time given to me well. I wanted to be able to live what I’m created for. I wanted to be there for people who needs my listening ear, my helping hand, my prayers. I want to be there for my mom when she needs someone to be with. I wanted to be able to sing and perform for her and tell her, “See Mommy , I can do it”. I would like to be able to speak to a large crowd about God’s love and faithfulness and write books proclaiming the goodness of the Lord. I wanted to be able to do this now, and stop procastinating.

I was so busy…

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A Woman’s Cry to Her Creator (Love Letter No.1)

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This entry reflects a stage in a woman’s life of being confused on love, getting hurt and trying to rebuild herself again. At some point ,you may have felt the the same way. But if you think no one understands you, trust that He knows exactly what you’re going through and He will always be ready to answer your cry.

Here I go again Lord. It was as if I didn’t learn from my past. I began to ask myself why I’m beginning to feel again the need to be wanted, appreciated and be in a relationship. I’ve passed this stage. In fact, I’ve learned to live my life by focusing on You and Your mission for my life. I ‘ve already decided that my happiness is to serve You, to pursue my dreams, passion and my purpose.

But yes, here I go again, not noticing that little by little, I am beginning to fall into the trap of the promises of tomorrow with someone I wish to be mine. I’m starting again to expect and not ready to feel hurt if my expectations are not met. I am experiencing again sadness, confusion and restlessness . I am losing my direction and focus and it just doesn’t feel good.

Here I am, beginning to ask YOU the questions I used to bother you  about me not being pursued, not being in a relationship. All questions that I thought I’ve forgotten are now resurfacing just because of a simple encounter. Yes, it can be addicting. One encounter leading to conversations , and another one, and another one, until, you can’t stop but keep on wanting more. I don’t want this feeling. I dread this feeling. I feel paralyzed and not able to do anything productive. I feel not the usual me, not focused, not energized, not contented.  Suddenly, from being a joyful woman of God, my world was suddenly shaken as it revolved in the idea of having someone special in my life.

Lord, here I go again. You are used to me being like this. But here I am, asking you to heal my heart of the pain from unmet expectations. I have started again to become impatient and oftentimes wanted to control things or wish things to be the way I want them to be. I don’t want to be like this. I wanted to be back to my old self  — a woman after your own heart , who joyfully waits, trusts , and focuses on the mission you have created me for.

Teach me again not to be swayed by circumstances, help me to fix my gaze on you. Help me to use my time wisely, to serve, evangelize, pray and creatively produce wonderful things with the skills you’ve blessed me with. Remind me that I’m always precious in your eyes, that I’m yours, that you love me. Remind me that even if someone doesn’t see my worth , I’m always the most valuable woman in your life.

And most of all, please remind me to give all my love to you, to trust you fully and to give my time, effort and commitment – only to you, and not to anyone else — until the right one who will pursue and really decide to love me comes along.

Choosing you above all, I’m sure that I will be happy, fulfilled and be loved. Please don’t get tired of me .I am sure you won’t , because that’s how much you love me. I love you Lord and make me whole again, so that when you bless me with the right one to love, I’m ready.

The Art of Letting Go

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You often hear this cliché ,  ‘The Art of Letting Go’,  as reference to relationship break-ups. But if you’ll have a closer look at the circumstances of your life,  it’s so applicable in anything that you’ve been accustomed to, those which have been part of your daily habits and have somehow defined you as a person.

When you are attached to something that you value, everything that you do is dependent on how that something/someone can be affected. Your family, might be one big factor affecting your decisions and the plans you have in our life.  For some of you, decisions about work assignments are hugely impacted with how your time or distance with your family will be changed. Rejecting a job offer overseas means choosing to be with your family, spending time with them, that no amount of money or career progression can ever replace. For OFWS, accepting a job offer is part of the plan to temporarily be away from loved ones, to be able to save faster and  provide a better future for them.

On a more personal aspect like love, the decision to be with someone is affected by the things that you value the most and how you want your lives to go forward. Sometimes, one person can appear to be a perfect match for you. Compatibility is of course one huge factor,  but having the same goal is undeniably one critical point you have to consider. Does choosing to be together would allow you to fulfill both your calling and purpose in life? If the answer is no, then probably you have to let it go.

Simple circumstances in life showing decisions to let go could be  — letting go of a heated argument so as not to strain the relationship, letting go of anger to be able to move on and have peace of mind, letting go of preferences to focus more on the essentials, letting go of comfort to make someone happy and, letting go of hurt so you can experience  joy.

Each experience of letting go seems to start with something painful but ends up with something joyful. It begins with something ugly and senseless but transforms into something beautiful and meaningful.

Just as how diamonds were made through very high pressure and too much heat through thousands of  years  or  as how catterpillars had to go through the painful process of transformation to become  beautiful  butterflies, so it is with how the Lord uses circumstances in your lives to prune your character, to purify your soul , to redirect you to the path that you have been called to.

Letting go of something that you feel is not ‘YOU’, is a responsibility that you need to do. Once you have done it, you will be freed from chains of expectations, fears and anxieties that the world has built around you .Leting go is letting the real ‘YOU’ take over.

When you let go, you open yourself up to endless opportunities  – new beginnings , new adventure, new joy, new passion and  a new way of living.

It is not an action that was meant for you to do alone. It is a decision supposed to be made after prayer, discernment, surrender and trust with the Lord. Abundant grace is needed to be able to  go through the painful process and to joyfully welcome the peace that the Lord has promised.

It is a the art of going through the dark and bright colors of your life and allowing a beautiful masterpiece to unfold.

Letting Go is trusting and surrendering to God who loves you and assures you that He knows what will make you truly happy .

God Bless!

Self-Reflection during this time of pandemic

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I hope you are well today. For the past weeks, I’ve been quiet as news update here and there are flooding my inbox of what’s happening around the world. I think most of you have been experiencing the same . I can only hope and pray that you and your families are safe whichever part of the world you are in.

Early this morning, I was able to attend the worldwide moment of prayer of Pope Francis ,where he gave a special “Urbi et Orbi” blessing. In his homily, he shared a lot of his reflections about how Coronavirus has brought each one of us closer together as one people. The gospel reading talked about that story of the disciples caught off guard by an unexpected storm. As they were crying to Jesus for help, who, at that time was peacefully resting , the Lord asked them “Why are you afraid? Do you still have no faith?

The gospel is so much relevant to what we are all experiencing today. The whole world being on that same boat , suddenly hit by an unexpected storm, paralyzing most, if not all of our daily activities — going to school and work, attending social gathering with our friends, recreational activities, travelling , going to the malls, eating and shopping. Our lives have all been affected and this has brought a lot of uncertainties. Some have been positively touched as this has brought them to a closer relationship with the Lord . While for others , this might have triggered even more confusion, fear, resentment or even a lot of questions on why these are all happening.

All the feelings that we have been experiencing are valid. As humans, who will never be afraid of this ? Many of us have been probably worrying about the future, what will happen to our family, jobs , plans and dreams. For some, they are worrying about the present, where to get the money to buy their food , water and be sustained daily .How about our frontliners, who at one way or the other, have already accepted the worst that can happen in their lives, but still decide to serve , to love and to give their best to take care of the sick, to provide our food, to ensure that all places have been sanitized.

As the whole nation is suffering, it is just heartwarming to see how people from different parts of the world do their share to make things a bit easier for humanity. Some would donate in various forms to be able to provide food, basic needs, medicines, equipments for frontliners . Some would actively volunteer to take part in this fight against the virus. Some would be offering their skills and time to provide encouragement, prayer and even just help people to be productive by doing online classes, online entertainment while being at home. We all have a role to play in this. The simplest and the most impactful to the world, yet often taken for granted, is our role to follow our leaders, the government, who have all been working so hard to ensure everyone’s safety. .

Now, we are indeed in that one same boat as the disciples were — experiencing a great storm not knowing that Jesus is with us through this time. If you are to pause for a while and take time to recall that even before this raging storm, each of us have experienced turbulences in our lives in varying degrees and forms but have survived having Jesus at our side. Have you forgotten the times that you thought it was the end of your world but the Lord took over and have made you whole again?

I want to bring you back to those times when the Lord has never forsaken you. I want you to have hope and faith that that same Lord who brought you out of those sufferings will be the same Lord who will rescue you in this distress.

I feel that now is the time to write your story. Recall how the Lord has blessed you and redeemed you. Through this way,  as you look back at the happy and trying times of your childhood and how things have been as you grow up,  you will get to understand that life is so beautiful and the Lord has been very  faithful.

Now is the time to appreciate life, even more. Reminisce the times when life was simple , when you started to dream big and how the Lord has blessed you in every way  possible and finally answered your prayers.Take time as well to recall the challenging times. Those periods in your life when you thought that it was the end of the world – difficulty in finances perhaps, not knowing where to get the money for enrollment,  for food or for rent, or how about emotional stress brought about by strained relationships in the family  and how the Lord has journeyed with you. Or, even loss of direction in life and how the Lord called you to a deeper relationship with Him. I can only mention few. But you,  you know your story well. 

And so my encouragement is this : write your personal story as this is one way that you can acknowledge how the Lord has loved you and has never forsaken you all this time. This will also help build up on your faith with truths that really happened in your own life and be a source of blessing and encouragement as well to others. I hope, that this, too, can somehow remind us not to be afraid anymore because we have a God who is constant and loving all these years.

Probably a lot might be hesitant to write. I also started with that feeling. But at some point, I just started writing as a form of my reflection not because other people will read it.Your reflection is for you to be more aware of how the Lord has been present in your life and build on your confidence that this same Lord will be present in your future.

Once you have settled it with yourself, you can move on to share your story or testimony to your family and friends – to people close to you . You wouldn’t know how much impact you can give to them as they also try to build on their faith. If you are led by the Holy Spirit, as I have been few months ago, there are a variety of platforms where you can share your story, via facebook, instagram, WordPress (just as mine).

I started reflecting my life ‘s journey through a map from the time I was born,  highlighting the highs and lows until today. I marked specifically the years of victories and challenges as far as I can remember and how the Lord has intervened. I also highlighted a lot of decision points in my life and what road I finally took. You can imagine that it is like a time

From there,  I realized a lot of things of how the Lord has always been there blessing me in every way He can . Unfortunately, I was  too busy to acknowledge them. I have also learned the things that I have given up because of the decisions I have made. 

If you have been encouraged to write because of my post,  start to do it now. Maybe the Lord has been telling you this all along. As you reflect, my prayer is that may your faith be greater and may you have the confidence to share and inspire others with your story. Surely, we can all survive through this storm by knowing that the Lord has never left and will never leave our side. God bless your reflection!

PS : If you wanted to write but feel that you need someone to help you, just write your story as is and let’s see how I can help you on this. You can just drop me a note anytime.

How prepared are you for the the things you are praying for?

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Whenever we ask the Lord for things that we wanted for in our life, has it ever crossed our minds if we’re ready for what we’ve been praying for? I’ll be honest. I usually don’t. In fact, I’m that person who would normally ask for something I ultimately like not really understanding much of the effect it might have in my life. Oftentimes, I’m drawn to the physical attractiveness of a gift I’m praying for. Whether it is a job promotion, new career, new place to live or a partner in life, what draws us to ask for these great things?

When I asked for a job that I may be relocated , all I know is that it will give me a better future. In my mind, this will give me a better position financially to be able to reach more of my dreams. And it sure did . I get to buy the things I need and wanted, travel to the places in my bucket list, provide for my family and gain more experiences.All these are good but as the honeymoon stage is over, I realized, I have been missing the better stuff in life. I missed the time I eat breakfast with my family , laughing my heart out on stories during our daily dinners, watching our favorite tv shows together, shopping and discovering new food together and hearing the Sunday Mass together. I’ve realized that time with my loved ones is priceless.

Now, I understood why this prayer of mine was not answered several years back. Ten years ago, I was not mature enough to handle tough situations when I needed to. At that time, simple yet practical things such as cooking my own meals, keeping the house clean, deciding on my own on a lot of different things and being independent were not something that I would be willing to do. My relationship with the Lord was there , but not as deep as it is now . Circumstances happened in my life that caused me to rely solely on Him for strength and hope. The Lord of perfect timing just knows the right time to answer my prayer. And now, I fully understand that I needed first to grow and to be ready for His gift.

For most of us singles, the next prayer that we might be asking aside from success in career, is our prayer for a partner in life. Yes, a constant prayer probably tracing back when we were still in College. All our batchmates may have found the love of their lives, our careers have already progressed, we might have reached most of our dreams , younger siblings and cousins even marrying, yet this prayer still unanswered. Rather than questioning God why, have you asked yourself if you’re ready for this blessing? You may say, very much ! But think again, are you ready to be the wife in the way the Lord wants you to be? Are you ready to be selfless in all aspects? Are you ready to love even until it hurts? I’ve asked these questions myself and I am still a work in progress.

In one of the women’s gatherings that I’ve attended, the speaker led us to a chapter in the bible detailing how to be the woman that God wants us to be. Proverbs 31 :10-31, is a long chapter but it is a good checklist to assess ourselves if we’re ready to move on to the next stage of our lives. It describes how a woman of noble character is so precious for she is strong in the midst of adversity ,yet so nurturing to her family; resourceful and efficient in handling the needs of the family yet generous enough to extend help to those in need; virtuous yet full of compassion and love for her children and husband ; she has a mind of her own yet has full respect to her husband and most importanly, she is a woman who fears the Lord. At this point, do you think these characteristics already describe you?

For men who might be reading my post, you may have been praying as well for a partner in life but still can’t find her. Pray for her. Pray as well for your eyes and heart to see. While waiting, grow to be the man that the Lord wants you to be – a man who will be courageous enough to pursue, a man who will cherish his wife and will stand by her always and a man who will will lead his family in loving and serving the Lord.

These were only two of the things that we often pray for but I know that we all have different prayers. You may be praying for good health, high grades, winning a contest and a lot of different dreams that you want to be fulfilled. Oftentimes, the Lord answers Yes for He is a generous God. However, He sometimes says no. He says no probably for two reasons : 1) He wants to prepare us before we receive His gift so we can enjoy it the way He intended it to be and 2) He wants us to draw closer to Him so He can change our hearts and transform our prayers to be aligned to His will.

As we pray for the desires of our heart , let us not forget to include this prayer “Lord , make us ready to receive what we’ve been praying for. If these dreams are not meant for us, may you lead our hearts to desire what is aligned to your will”.

How do you start your day?

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I have been cramming to finish some important writing deadlines when I suddenly reminded myself that I write to express my thoughts and feelings not only because I need to meet expectations. Oftentimes, we are like this — being so busy in a Martha’s world , worried about practical things, chores and deadlines to the point of missing out enjoying life as it is. For most of us working professionals, who are bounded by the 9am to 5 pm time at our workplaces, let me ask you, how do you start your day?

Do your start your day worrying about your presentation at 10 am? How about thinking the list of things you need to prepare before you go to work? Or worse, you actually don’t have time to even notice that your day has started because your whole system has been set to an autopilot and before you knew it the day has just ended? Familiar?

I couldn’t imagine how life would be when we are not even able to start the day right by recognizing how beautiful it is to be alive. Have you even realized that the fact you woke up is a blessing in itself?

You are blessed that you are able to wake up and open your eyes and see that you have few minutes left to still sleep.You are blessed that you have to rush to prepare to go to the office because you have a job. You are blessed, because the first thing you see in the morning are your loved ones whom you can readily hug. I could go on and on with the list of blessings that we can have the moment we wake up. But sometimes, instead of seeing these as blessings, we’re blinded with a lot of wordly expectations that we allow to take over as we start our day.

My encouragement is this — start each day with a grateful heart by thanking the Lord that you are alive . Increase your gratitude each day by counting your blessings and having a daily conversation with your Creator. Trust me, your day will be much better.

Today is Ash Wednesday which marks the beginning of Lent. Aside from being grateful that you are alive, start this day by focusing on a heart of repentance and prayer. Slow down a bit at work and take this moment as a time to reflect on God’s love and goodness.

May the good Lord be always with you!

What do you want to be?

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When I was a child, I’ve always wanted to be a doctor. As I grew up, my dreams have changed until I decided that I will follow the footsteps of my cousins whose careers were flourishing at that time. It was a very good decision. I was blessed in a lot of ways in my career. It gave me meaning for 15 years. I thought one day, I will hold the highest position in an organization that I wanted. I have always wanted to be up there. For I thought, that was the purpose of my existence – to be successful and live my dreams. My dreams to be able to provide for my family, to travel, to have the means to help and to serve. I was happy and felt fulfilled. In the unexpected turn of events in my life, I woke up realizing that my career is not what I wanted to be for the rest of my life. In one moment of my life, I felt sad and empty. I felt I didn’t have the aspirations anymore to be someone great in my field.

My perspective shifted.Understanding that life is short and temporary, I have began to think, is this really what I have been created for? With deep reflection, I have discovered that all I want is to make use of the time given to me well. I wanted to be able to live what I’m created for. I wanted to be there for people who needs my listening ear, my helping hand, my prayers. I want to be there for my mom when she needs someone to be with. I wanted to be able to sing and perform for her and tell her, “See Mommy , I can do it”. I would like to be able to speak to a large crowd about God’s love and faithfulness and write books proclaiming the goodness of the Lord. I wanted to be able to do this now, and stop procastinating.

I was so busy building a career that I thought I’ve always wanted but at the deepest recesses of my soul, I just wanted to be Me and serve my Creator just as how He intended to when He brought me into this world. Looking back, I hope I have made the choice earlier but the Lord reminded me that the events and challenges I’ve been through have brought me to where I am today. Everything happens for a reason. I’m praying that this time I’ll have the solid courage to pursue my mission.

What do you want to be? Everyday is a gift, so make the most of it. Whatever your mission is , do it now and trust that the Lord will bless you and give the grace you will need.

Do you hear that voice too?

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In the middle of my work I catch myself dreaming about what could have been if I’m spending this time out there. In a place where a human being would need someone to talk to, where a wonderful creation needs to be appreciated, books to be read and explored, places to visit, language to be learned. For 15 years, I’ve restrained myself from pursuing all these, because I thought, it wouldn’t be a wise decision. Now , after being so safe in all my decisions, following what seems logical have brought me to where I am today. I got the position I’ve always wanted, the country I’ve dreamt of working along with the paycheck and privileges that go with it. It’s true, all these so called dreams of mine which I thought will make me happy and contented, only played a portion of my self-fulfillment and was only temporary.

I have always been grateful for being here and having what I have now. But even so, my heart longs for something else that has a deeper meaning. Yes, I know that this is a calling, a voice that only I can hear –the voice that tells me that I’m created for something greater and more meaningful than all these. The voice that hounds me day and night, that I can’t think of doing anything but to heed that call. But is it worth it, to follow this path of uncertainty? Is it worth it to give in this time to that constant leading I’ve been hearing but avoiding for these past years? Is it worth it to take that leap of faith and see what is out there for me?

I’ve deeply prayed and asked for answers, for direction. Is this voice I’m hearing from You? Or was it only the voice buried deep inside my soul out of dissatisfaction and unhappiness at my current state? Was it my childhood instinct wanting me to explore and to conquer the world as we can only live life once? Or all along, was this a dream instilled in me , the very reason why I was put into this world?

Having a Lord that answers to those who seek Him. I received a response of affirmation. “That voice buried, deep inside your soul is the same voice you’ve been hearing over and over again. Until you heed to its call it will never leave you. Why are you so afraid to answer it? Don’t you want to see what it has for you? Are you scared you will be going through it alone ? Did you forget that I will never leave you? Do you really know who I am? The Lord your God, who have been answering your prayers since you were a child. From receiving a teddy bear as a Christmas gift, being the highest score in your Earth Science test and cancelling the meeting you’ve been dreading to attend. How about, allowing the guy you like to like you back and living in a place you have always wanted to live? You might not have said all these in your vocal prayers and requests but I know what is in your heart. I know how much you’ve wanted to receive that teddy bear but you were just contented to just receive anything as it might be too expensive, you’ve wanted to always be the top of the class but you’ve resorted to just be able to pass, you’ve prepared to attend that dreaded meeting but you asked me to give you the grace to just be ready, you’ve expressed your admiration to that wonderful classmate but you thought he will not like you back, you’ve wished to be able to live someday in that place but you you thought it might be too impossible? Up to this point, do you still not know me? I’m your Father who can make all things possible. I have always known what you desire and what will make you happy. And so, can you now trust me again? Trust that in the the midst of this uncertainty, I, the Lord your Father , will be with you as you follow that voice and make things happen”.

You are invited!

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I love to travel. I also love to document the places where I have been through photography or journals or even keeping souvenirs along the way. All these I have kept in my laptop, phone and cabinets. Some memories I have shared in my social media account but a lot of the most meaningful ones I kept to myself. I have this tendency to preserve the richness of my travel by keeping it away from prying eyes. But the journey of my life is different. I realized that I can only savor the fullness of the experience of being loved by God by sharing it with others. For God’s abounding grace and faithfulness in my life is meant to be proclaimed. My journey of faith is your journey too. Come , travel with me and the Lord in this breathtaking adventure!

Shopping for Time

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All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. (Psalm 139:16)

“We can accomplish everything God has ordained for us to do in this life. (Hint: It’s probably not half of what’s on your to-do list.)”

Some tips:

1. Rise early – to avoid distractions

2. Sit still – pray and listen to God

3. Sit and plan – be intentional. Write your to do’s based on God’s word for the day 4. Consider people – examine the people who God placed in your life. Who are you to serve or build relationship with?

5. Plan to depend – your plans may fail but humble yourself and draw upon God’s strength to accomplish what He wants you to do

Read: Shopping for time by Carolyn Mahaney