This entry reflects a stage in a woman’s life of being confused on love, getting hurt and trying to rebuild herself again. At some point ,you may have felt the the same way. But if you think no one understands you, trust that He knows exactly what you’re going through and He will always be ready to answer your cry.

Here I go again Lord. It was as if I didn’t learn from my past. I began to ask myself why I’m beginning to feel again the need to be wanted, appreciated and be in a relationship. I’ve passed this stage. In fact, I’ve learned to live my life by focusing on You and Your mission for my life. I ‘ve already decided that my happiness is to serve You, to pursue my dreams, passion and my purpose.

But yes, here I go again, not noticing that little by little, I am beginning to fall into the trap of the promises of tomorrow with someone I wish to be mine. I’m starting again to expect and not ready to feel hurt if my expectations are not met. I am experiencing again sadness, confusion and restlessness . I am losing my direction and focus and it just doesn’t feel good.

Here I am, beginning to ask YOU the questions I used to bother you  about me not being pursued, not being in a relationship. All questions that I thought I’ve forgotten are now resurfacing just because of a simple encounter. Yes, it can be addicting. One encounter leading to conversations , and another one, and another one, until, you can’t stop but keep on wanting more. I don’t want this feeling. I dread this feeling. I feel paralyzed and not able to do anything productive. I feel not the usual me, not focused, not energized, not contented.  Suddenly, from being a joyful woman of God, my world was suddenly shaken as it revolved in the idea of having someone special in my life.

Lord, here I go again. You are used to me being like this. But here I am, asking you to heal my heart of the pain from unmet expectations. I have started again to become impatient and oftentimes wanted to control things or wish things to be the way I want them to be. I don’t want to be like this. I wanted to be back to my old self  — a woman after your own heart , who joyfully waits, trusts , and focuses on the mission you have created me for.

Teach me again not to be swayed by circumstances, help me to fix my gaze on you. Help me to use my time wisely, to serve, evangelize, pray and creatively produce wonderful things with the skills you’ve blessed me with. Remind me that I’m always precious in your eyes, that I’m yours, that you love me. Remind me that even if someone doesn’t see my worth , I’m always the most valuable woman in your life.

And most of all, please remind me to give all my love to you, to trust you fully and to give my time, effort and commitment – only to you, and not to anyone else — until the right one who will pursue and really decide to love me comes along.

Choosing you above all, I’m sure that I will be happy, fulfilled and be loved. Please don’t get tired of me .I am sure you won’t , because that’s how much you love me. I love you Lord and make me whole again, so that when you bless me with the right one to love, I’m ready.