In the middle of my work I catch myself dreaming about what could have been if I’m spending this time out there. In a place where a human being would need someone to talk to, where a wonderful creation needs to be appreciated, books to be read and explored, places to visit, language to be learned. For 15 years, I’ve restrained myself from pursuing all these, because I thought, it wouldn’t be a wise decision. Now , after being so safe in all my decisions, following what seems logical have brought me to where I am today. I got the position I’ve always wanted, the country I’ve dreamt of working along with the paycheck and privileges that go with it. It’s true, all these so called dreams of mine which I thought will make me happy and contented, only played a portion of my self-fulfillment and was only temporary.

I have always been grateful for being here and having what I have now. But even so, my heart longs for something else that has a deeper meaning. Yes, I know that this is a calling, a voice that only I can hear –the voice that tells me that I’m created for something greater and more meaningful than all these. The voice that hounds me day and night, that I can’t think of doing anything but to heed that call. But is it worth it, to follow this path of uncertainty? Is it worth it to give in this time to that constant leading I’ve been hearing but avoiding for these past years? Is it worth it to take that leap of faith and see what is out there for me?

I’ve deeply prayed and asked for answers, for direction. Is this voice I’m hearing from You? Or was it only the voice buried deep inside my soul out of dissatisfaction and unhappiness at my current state? Was it my childhood instinct wanting me to explore and to conquer the world as we can only live life once? Or all along, was this a dream instilled in me , the very reason why I was put into this world?

Having a Lord that answers to those who seek Him. I received a response of affirmation. “That voice buried, deep inside your soul is the same voice you’ve been hearing over and over again. Until you heed to its call it will never leave you. Why are you so afraid to answer it? Don’t you want to see what it has for you? Are you scared you will be going through it alone ? Did you forget that I will never leave you? Do you really know who I am? The Lord your God, who have been answering your prayers since you were a child. From receiving a teddy bear as a Christmas gift, being the highest score in your Earth Science test and cancelling the meeting you’ve been dreading to attend. How about, allowing the guy you like to like you back and living in a place you have always wanted to live? You might not have said all these in your vocal prayers and requests but I know what is in your heart. I know how much you’ve wanted to receive that teddy bear but you were just contented to just receive anything as it might be too expensive, you’ve wanted to always be the top of the class but you’ve resorted to just be able to pass, you’ve prepared to attend that dreaded meeting but you asked me to give you the grace to just be ready, you’ve expressed your admiration to that wonderful classmate but you thought he will not like you back, you’ve wished to be able to live someday in that place but you you thought it might be too impossible? Up to this point, do you still not know me? I’m your Father who can make all things possible. I have always known what you desire and what will make you happy. And so, can you now trust me again? Trust that in the the midst of this uncertainty, I, the Lord your Father , will be with you as you follow that voice and make things happen”.